“There are people who use themselves up by serving others, only to have an excuse for not having to fight their own hard battle for their own good.”

I have crossed paths, a few times already, with people who have dedicated a lifetime to someone else, or others, selflessly and forgot themselves. They don’t know or don’t want to know that by taking care of themselves they can serve even better, but that wouldn’t bring them the argument of victimization, which they often use to justify themselves: I see this in families, voluntary institutions and other places. You focus on what’s outside yourself so you don’t have to deal with what’s inside.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against those who give their all for others, but not taking care of themselves and playing the role of victim is not giving it everything, incidentally, it’s giving too little.

If you want to contribute something of great value to who is beside you, makes yourself happy. Take care of your duties, yes, but also your rights. You’re not anyone’s owner, but no one is your owner either, so:

Write in large letters these rights of yours, which are not enshrined in the constitution, but must be written in your heart:

  1. I have the right to be respected and treated equal to equal, whatever the role on performance or my social status.
  2. I have the right to maintain my own values​​, as long as they respect the rights of others.
  3. I have the right to express my feelings and opinions.
  4. I have the right to express my needs and ask for what I want.
  5. I have the right to say NO and not feel guilty about it.
  6. I have the right to ask for help and to choose whether I want to help someone.
  7. I have the right to feel good about myself without feeling the need to justify myself to others.
  8. I have the right to change my mind.
  9. I have the right to think before acting or making a decision.
  10. I have the right to say “I don’t understand” and ask clarification or help.
  11. I have the right to make mistakes without feeling guilty.
  12. I have the right to set my own goals in life and fight for my expectations to be achieved, provided that it respects the rights of others.

Live these rights and teach those around you to live them. They represent respect for yourself, others, and confidence in your potential and the potential of those around you.

* I am grateful to Sandra Silva, who I don’t know, her study on assertiveness, that gave me this list and contributed to my personal progress today.

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